A)  ACA ( Adult Children of Addicts )

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People who grew up living with addicts (parents, older siblings, family members, housemates, etc.) often find ACA information very valuable in understanding and healing their adult child traits like deep mistrust of others, perfectionism, isolation, procrastination, people-pleasing, abandonment, self-sacrifice, avoiding conflict at all costs, issues with authority figures, and emotional repression.

*Protecting Yourself When Choosing a Therapist / Support Group

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a1.  www.adultchildren.org = The main ACA website.

a2.  The "Laundry List" (Am I an Adult Child Checklist) = www.adultchildren.org/lit-laundry_list

a3.  Tony A's Revised 12 Steps for Adult Children = https://thelistacagroup.wordpress.com/tony-a-12-steps

a4.  The ACA "Big Red Book" and Free Writings = www.adultchildren.org/literature

a5.  Yellow 12 Steps ACA Workbook = www.amazon.com/Twelve-Steps-Adult-Children-Workbook/dp/0978979710

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a6.  Commonly Related Issues (Google them for more info): parentification, spousification, codependent, counterdependent, intergenerational trauma, complex PTSD (C-PTSD), religious trauma syndromes (RTS), trauma bond, stockholm syndrome, battered woman/person syndrome

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a7. Prodependence = https://prodependence.com/about-prodependence/faqs

An updated ACA/codependency model that focuses on care-givers' many strengths and how to best promote family unit healing, rather than pathologizing their best efforts at taking care of addicted/struggling loved ones.

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B)  CoDA ( CoDependents Anonymous)

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People who live / lived with addicts at any point in their lives often find CoDA information very helpful in explaining and overcoming their struggles with CoDA traits such as self-sacrifice, passive-aggressive communication style, resentment, and have a pattern of getting into relationships with people who end up being abusive / an addict / narcissistic.

*Protecting Yourself When Choosing a Therapist / Support Group

 

b1.  www.coda.org and www.codacanada.ca = The international and Canadian-specific CoDA websites.

b2.  Codependency = https://psychcentral.com/lib/recovery-from-codependency   

b3.  What’s a Codependent? = www.allaboutcounseling.com/codependency.htm   

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b4.  Videos for Codependents and Survivors of Narcissistic Abuse = www.youtube.com/user/lisaaromano1/videos

b5.  Why Codependents & Narcissists Attract Each Other = www.youtube.com/channel/UC8OgfVyM8u5xhoHTJPa9sOQ

b6.  SLDD (Self-Love Deficiency Disorder) = http://humanmagnetsyndrome.com/hmsblog/the-codependensorder-pyramid

 

b7.  Famous Codependency Authors / YouTubers = Melody Beattie, Beverly Engel, Pete Walker, Jonice Webb, Ross Rosenberg, Kenneth Adams, Lisa Romano

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b8. Prodependence = https://prodependence.com/about-prodependence/faqs

An updated codependency model that focuses on care-givers' many strengths and how to best promote family unit healing, rather than pathologizing their best efforts at taking care of addicted/struggling loved ones.

 

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C)  ADDICTION SUPPORTS & 12-STEP SUPPORT GROUPS

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There are many 12-step groups, specific to certain addictions, most of which have two varieties: one for the addict, and one for those who live with the addict. (If you grew up with and/or now live with someone who is an addict, the above resources of ACA and CoDA are also highly recommended!)

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**Please note that not all support group meetings are created equal! It's important to find a group/meeting where you feel safe, supported, understood, and uplifted. Many support groups are run by non-professional, without background checks, meaning you should be extra careful with who you trust (such as exchanging personal information or inviting people to your home). Aside from safety concerns, the group leader(s) can drastically change the meeting's focus and vibe. I recommend "shopping around" and trying a few different meetings to see which one suits you best.**

*Protecting Yourself When Choosing a Therapist / Support Group

 

c1.  What Qualifies as an Addiction? = www.psychologytoday.com/ca/basics/addiction

c2.  Is Addiction a Disease? by Dr McKauley = www.youtube.com/watch?v=b2emgrRoT2c   

c3.  Attachment, Disease & Addiction by Dr Mate = www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9cvEa5qFQc  

c4.  Why Some Addicts Cannot Self-Heal (7th Video) = www.theinstituteforaddictionstudy.org/interviews  

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c5.  See the above ACA (section A) and CoDA (section B) links.

c6.  www.intherooms.com = An awesome online support group, with tons of different support groups. Check the "Meeting Schedule." If using the phone app, sometimes you need to leave and re-enter the meeting if audio cuts out.

c7.  www.stepchat.com = Another online support group, but online chat only (no video/audio). 

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c8.  AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) = https://area78.org ; http://edmontonaa.org 

c9.  Al-Anon (those affected by alcoholics) = www.al-anon.ab.ca  

c10. Al-Anon Cold Lake = 1-888-425-2666

c11. Al-Ateen (for teenagers living with alcoholics) = http://al-anon.org/for-alateen

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c12. SA (Sexaholics Anonymous; sex/porn/masturbation/voyeurism/etc.) = www.sa.org ; www.edmontonsa.org  

c13. S-Anon (affected by sex addicts) = www.sanon.org ; http://edmonton-sanon.org ; Edmonton 780-485-3099

c14. SLAA (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous) = https://slaafws.org and LAA www.loveaddicts.org 

c15. SIA (Survivors of Incest Anonymous) = https://siawso.org

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c16. OA (Overeaters Anonymous) = www.oa.org  

c17. Support for those living with overeaters: https://oa.org/newcomers/for-family-and-friends  

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c18. Other 12-Step Support Groups = There are many others, such as NA (Narcotics), CMA (Crystal Meth), MA (Marijuana), GA (Gamblers), etc. There are also some groups specifically for just men, or just women, or just LGBTQ, or just Native Americans, etc. to address the specific issues those groups of people have. For examples of other support groups, check out www.intherooms.com/livemeetings/list

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c19. Prodependence = https://prodependence.com/about-prodependence/faqs

An updated codependency/adult children of addicts model that focuses on care-givers' many strengths and how to best promote family unit healing, rather than pathologizing their best efforts at taking care of addicted/struggling loved ones.

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D) HEALTHY vs UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

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Many of us grew up in homes that were often chaotic, in a society that is often dysfunctional. This unfortunately gives us very warped ideas of what relationships look and feel like. A tip – just because something is common (and thus feels normal), does NOT mean it’s healthy! For example, have you heard the common quote that “love hurts?” This is actually not true! Healthy love is gentle, respectful, kind, supportive, and safe - even when moving through painful experiences such as a breakup. When love hurts, that’s a sure-fire sign that it’s a dysfunctional of abusive relationship - so let's stop calling it love! The following articles are great starting points for learning what healthy relationships actually look and feel like. If they resonate with you, definitely check out the ACA, CoDA, and Neglect / Abuse / Trauma sections too.

 

d1.  See the above ACA (section A) and CoDA (section B) links.

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d2.  Info on Healthy Relationships = www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships  

d3.  Relationship Checklist = www.depts.washington.edu/hhpccweb/health-resource/healthy-vs-unhealthy-relationships

d4.  Healthy Relationship Blog Series = www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/healthy-connections 

d5.  Parentification/Spousification = www.goodtherapy.org/blog/emotional-covert-incest-when-parents-make-their-kids-partners-0914165

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d6.  Youth Relationships Checklist = http://youth.gov/youth-topics/teen-dating-violence/characteristics     

d7.  University Students Checklist = www.bridgeport.edu/life/student-services/counselingservices/services-programs1/healthy-vs-unhealthy-relationship-factors    

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d8.  What is Consent? = www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/sex-and-relationships/sexual-consent

d9.  What is (Healthy) Love? = https://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/cc-is-it-love-or-love-addiction

d10. What is Healthy Sex? = http://healthysex.com/healthy-sexuality

d11. Healthy Sexual Relationship Blog Series = https://instituteforrelationalintimacy.com/helpful-links

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d12. What is Love/Romance Addiction? = www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/healthy-connections/201012/how-break-the-pattern-love-addiction

d13. Love, Romance, and Sex Addiction Quizzes = www.loveandaddiction.com/love_addiction.htm

d14. SLDD (Self-Love Deficiency Disorder) = https://psychcentral.com/lib/codependency-no-more-how-to-recover-from-self-love-deficit-disorder

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d15. Understanding and Healing from Porn/Sex Addiction = Patrick Carnes' many books and www.iitap.com/resources

d16. Porn/Sex Addiction and Its Effects = https://blogs.psychcentral.com/sex-addiction 

d17. Sexual Compulsions as a Result of Trauma = www.freedomu.net/blog/trauma-in-sexual-addciton

d18. See also sections E and F below.

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E) NEGLECT, ABUSE & TRAUMA ( ACUTE & CHRONIC )

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Childhood neglect, and abuse or trauma at any stage of life can result in a variety of dysfunctional coping mechiasms that require time, compassion, and support to transform into healthier ways of being. Did you know that there are two main kinds of trauma? Acute/Hard trauma is more obvious - usually, it's a sudden, one time event like a car crash, the death of a loved one, a rape, or being shot. As well, there is the lesser known and less obvious Chronic/Soft trauma - a long-term barrage of small (or not so small) abuses that pile up over time. Examples include being bullied, feeling constantly pressured to be perfect, living with people who are abusive to you or others, or serving in a war. I have also included some famous authors who touch on trauma - they also have websites, YouTube Talks, audio books, podcasts, etc. So go ahead and Google search them to get even more info!

 

e1.  Childhood Wounds Quiz = www.selftherapyjourney.com/Pattern/Beginning/List_of_Wounds.aspx

e2.  Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Quiz = https://acestoohigh.com/got-your-ace-score

e3.  Childhood Emotional Neglect = https://wehavekids.com/parenting/The-Long-Term-Effects-of-Childhood-Emotional-Neglect and www.bpdcentral.com/blog/?Overcome-Childhood-Emotional-Neglect-60    

e4.  Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) Quiz = www.thedailymind.com/deeper-thinking/are-you-suffering-from-childhood-emotional-neglect-quiz , www.drjonicewebb.com

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e5.  What is Abuse? = http://stoprelationshipabuse.org/educated/types-of-abuse

e6.  What is Abuse by Edmonton Police Services = www.edmontonpolice.ca/VictimSupport/WhatIsAbuse.aspx

e7.  What is Domestic Violence (DV) = www.domesticviolenceinfo.ca/article/domestic-violence-6.asp  

 

e8.  Complex-PTSD = www.nctsn.org/trauma-types/complex-trauma   

e9.  Trauma Repetition Compulsion = www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-zen/201603/why-do-we-repeat-the-past-in-our-relationships

e10. Trauma Re-Enactment and Revictimization = www.cirp.org/library/psych/vanderkolk

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e11. Gabor Mate = "When the Body Says No: The Cost of Hidden Stress"

e12. Jonice Webb = "Running on Empty: Overcome Your Childhood Emotional Neglect"

e13. Lindsay C. Gibson = "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents"

e14. Jasmin Lee Cori = "The Emotionally Absent Mother: Effects of Childhood Emotional Neglect"

e15. Bethany Webster = "Healing the Mother Wound"

e16. Karyl McBride = "Will I Ever Be Good Enough? Healing the Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers"

e17. Kenneth Adams = "Silently Seduced: When Parents Make Their Children Partners"

e18. Donna Nakazawa = "Childhood Disrupted: How Your Biography Becomes Your Biology"

e19. Beverly Engel = "Nice Girl Syndrome: Stop Being Manipulated and Abused" and "Honor Your Anger"

e20. Karla Mclaren = "The Language of Emotions"

e21. Alice Miller = "The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self"

e22. Elaine Aron = "The Highly Sensitive Person"

e23. Joan Borysenko = "Fried: Why You Burn Out and How to Revive"

e24. Judith Lewis Herman = "Trauma and Recovery"

e25. Pete Walker = "Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving" 

e26. Peter Levine = "Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma"

e27. Bessel van der Kolk = "The Body Keeps the Score"

e28. Pat Ogden = "Trauma and the Body"

e29. David Bercelli = "Tension, Stress, and Trauma Release (TRE)"

e30. Kirk Honda = YouTube "Psychology in Seattle" podcast and videos

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F) SEXUAL ABUSE

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Conservative estimates are that 1 in 3 women and 1 in 5 men have been sexually abused! Sadly, sexual violence is rampant in our society - and it is so devastating to mind, body, and spirit that it has been called “soul murder” by some experts. Because of how traumatizing and long-lasting this type of abuse can be, there are support centers that specialize in this area. Sexual abuse is NEVER the victim’s fault, and finding a safe, supportive, non-judgmental space is imperative for recovery. Don’t waste any time with people who make you feel otherwise! Be assertive and find a support that suits you.

*Protecting Yourself When Choosing a Therapist / Support Group

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f1.  See the above Healthy Relationships (section D) links

f2.  S-Anon (affected by sex addicts) = www.sanon.org ; http://edmonton-sanon.org ; Edmonton 780-485-3099

f3.  SIA (Survivors of Incest Anonymous) = https://siawso.org

 

f4.  Wendy Maltz = "The Sexual Healing Journey" and www.healthysex.com

f5.  Ellen Bass = "The Courage to Heal: A Guide for Women Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse"

f6.  Patrick Carnes = "Sexual Anorexia: Overcoming Sexual Self-Hatred" and www.iitap.com/resources

f7.  Christiane Northrup = "Women's Bodies, Women's Wisdom"

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f8.  Alberta Communities Against Abuse = http://againstabuse.ca/treatment   

f9.  Association of Alberta Sexual Assault Services = www.aasas.ca   

f10. Alberta Council of Women’s Shelters = www.acws.ca

f11. Dragonfly Center (Northeast Alberta) = www.thedragonflycentre.com ; 780-815-4456

f12. Dragonfly Center Free 24-Hour Sexual Assault/Abuse Hotline = 1-866-594-0533

f13. Cold Lake Dr. Margaret Savage Crisis Center = https://dmscc.ca or 780-594-5095

f14. Cold Lake Joie’s Phoenix House = www.acws.ca/cold-lake-joies-phoenix-house   

f15. Lloydminster Sexual Assault Center = www.lloydminstersexualassault.com  

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G) MENTAL HEALTH SUPPORTS

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Many of the resources below offer free counseling. I strongly advise you to seek out a counsellor that is a good fit for you: understands your individual needs, has similar values, and counsels in a style that suits you. (If you don't feel safe, understood, and supported, then you won't get much out of a counsellor.) Please know that you are always allowed to request a change in counselor if something is “not working” for you – and if your counselor and/or their organization doesn’t support this, then it’s time to go elsewhere anyhow! <3

*Protecting Yourself When Choosing a Therapist / Support Group

 

g1.  Alberta Health Services = www.albertahealthservices.ca 

g2.  Alberta Health Services Addictions = 780-594-7556 

g3.  Cold Lake Mental Health (free counselling & tele-psychiatry) = 780-639-4922 

g4.  Cold Lake FCSS (Family and Community Support Services; also has free counselling) = 780-594-4495 

g5.  Bonnyville FCSS = 780-826-2120 

g6.  Cold Lake Community Health Centre = 780-594-4404 

g7.  Cold Lake Primary Care Network = 780-639-0011 

g8.  Cold Lake MFRC (Military Family Resource Center) = 780-594-6006 

g9.  Cold Lake Supporting Wellness and Growth = 1-888-622-8350 

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g10. What is Mental Health = edmonton.cmha.ca/mental-health/understanding-mental-illness 

g11. Finding Mental Health Support in Canada = www.cmha.ca/mental-health/find-help 

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H) CRISIS HOTLINES

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Some of the below help lines are really cool, in that you can chat online or text. (Please note that some of the crisis lines are underfunded, meaning they are aimed at one-time major crises like suicidal thoughts, abuse cases, etc. For long-term counseling, I’d suggest contacting local in-person counseling below.)

 

h1.  24-Hour Mental Health Edmonton Distress Line = 1-800-232-7288

h2.  24-Hour Mental Health Edmonton Crisis Line = 1-800-342-7777 

h3.  Cold Lake Mental Health Crisis Help Line = 1-877-303-2642

h4.  24-Hour Alberta Health Link = 1-866-408-5465

h5.  24-Hour Kids Help Phone (also online chat) = http://kidshelpphone.ca or 1-800-668-6868 

h6.  24-Hour Calgary Help Line (also online chat) = www.distresscentre.com or 1-403-266-4357 

h7.  Kids Help Info = www.help4me.ca  

h8.  Bullying Help Line = 1-888-456-2323

h9.  www.yourlifecounts.org/need-help/crisis-lines = finding crisis lines across Canada and even other countries.

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I) FINANCIAL / HOUSING AID

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Unfortunately, one of the common issues of healing from childhood trauma and/or adulthood abuse is that it takes a huge toll on one’s mind, body, and spirit. This can result in such debilitating illness that one’s capacity to work is limited or even stopped – meaning it can be super hard to find help when you’re mentally/physically ill and cannot work! The following resources can help you connect with financial and housing aid.

 

i1.  Alberta Supports (previously Alberta Works) = www.alberta.ca/alberta-supports.aspx   

i2.  Alberta Human Services = www.humanservices.alberta.ca/programs-and-services.html   

i3.  Community Volunteer Income Tax Program (through FCSS, free accounting) = www.cra-arc.gc.ca/volunteer   

i4.  Lakeland Low-Income Housing Program = www.lakelandfoundation.ca/Housing.html   

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